Two Lizzies
by vi Britannia
Summary: Captain Jack Sparrow and Mr. Darcy argue about Lizzie. One-shot.


**Attention: This is not plagiarized. I deleted all the stories from my old account and decided to publish this again on this account.**

**I do not own Pirates of the Caribbean or Pride and Prejudice**

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><p><strong>Two Lizzies<strong>

"Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance," Mr. Darcy explained to an extremely filthy man dressed in a curious ensemble of a vest, white shirt, boots, and strange looking breeches.

The man stepped closer and poked Mr. Darcy's shoulder. "You see, that's where you are _wrong_, friend," he breathed in his face. Darcy leaned backward in disgust at the obvious lack of personal hygiene. "Happiness in holy matrimony is _entirely and ecumenically _a matter of separation."

Now Mr. Darcy just looked bothered. "Mr. Sparrow—"

"Captain. Captain Sparrow," he said.

Darcy sighed angrily but decided to play along. "All right then, Captain. I would suggest you take two steps back and cease to invade my personal space."

Jack drew back, looking a bit confused. "Ah," he said before stepping back a few spaces and grinning complacently at his companion.

They were standing on the docks of a port in the Caribbean. Mr. Darcy had half-regretted completing this journey as they approached the island, but now that he had met the type of company he would have (such as this Captain Sparrow fellow), he entirely regretted leaving his dear Lizzie behind.

"I suppose then that a man so fine as yourself would have a partner back in Great Britain?" Jack asked pleasantly.

"Yes, as a matter of fact I do," Mr. Darcy said suspiciously. "Why do you ask?"

Jack took a step around Darcy and looked out to the sparkling sea. "_Really?_ What's your bonny lass like, eh?"

Finally, a normal conversation. "Lizzie's her name."

At those words, Jack started. He spun around and took a new interest in the conversation.

"She's… everything I could ask for. As a matter of fact, here's a picture of her," Darcy said, pulling out a small painting from his pocket.

Jack shuffled closer and took a small glance at the picture before doing a double take. "Ahh!"

Startled, Mr. Darcy hurriedly put the picture back in his pocket. "What do you mean to accomplish by frightening half the port?"

Jack looked sympathetically at the man beside him and placed a hand on his shoulder, which Darcy shrugged off. "It regrets me to inform you that your dear Lizzie has already been married."

Mr. Darcy sputtered. "What in the devil's name are you going on about, Sir?"

"Married. To a eunuch no less. I suppose the monotony of that led her to you. Shame… she always would have been welcome as a member of me crew…." Jack stared thoughtfully at the horizon.

Darcy looked affronted. "I beg your pardon?"

Jack turned back to him, a surprised expression on his features. "I said—"

He waved a hand. "Yes, yes, I know what you said. But that is completely and utterly ridiculous!"

"How's that?"

"I knew Lizzie's father—"

"So'd I. Fine governor of Port Royal. Shame 'e died," Jack sighed.

Mr. Darcy placed a fist on his hip. "He did not. I'm sorry, but you are thinking of another Lizzie."

"That picture is of Elizabeth Swann!" Jack exclaimed, grabbing the frame out of Mr. Darcy's coat pocket, and receiving a reprimanding glare in return.

"If you must know, her maiden name was Bennett," Darcy said half-heartedly. Talking to this fellow was absolutely hopeless. "Do you want money or something?"

Jack looked up from studying the picture, intrigued. "Well, that wasn't exactly what I was after, but now that you mention it…."

Mr. Darcy sighed dejectedly.

"Yes, friend, that is most definitely no one but Miss Elizabeth Swann—Turner," Jack corrected himself.

Darcy grabbed the picture back and stuffed it into his pocket. "It is not. Now I beg of you, state your purpose here so I can continue on my trip."

Jack raised a finger and was about to answer when someone else approached.

"Jack? Jack Sparrow?"

The two men turned around.

"Ah! Lizzie! So good to see you again," Jack shouted and walked over to her.

"Lizzie?" Now, Mr. Darcy was completely puzzled.

"I was just informing your new husband here about your past," Jack said, completely oblivious to his companion's glare.

"Jack, what on earth are you talking about? Who's this?" Lizzie asked, confusion evident on her expression.

Jack frowned. He looked between Mr. Darcy and Lizzie twice. He grunted before taking off at a sprint down the docks.

The two remaining stared curiously after the pirate captain before shrugging to each other.

"Wonder what that was about?" Lizzie asked.

"I have no idea. Pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Turner. I suppose our friend Sparrow was correct about the likeness between you and my wife. Now about that business contract—"

A loud splash was heard as Jack swam toward the Black Pearl.


End file.
